I don't understand all that I read in the Bible about Satan and his demons. I don't understand what happens in the spiritual realm that we mortals can not see. I do know, though, that I have been in an extreme spiritual battle. It took my dear friend, Rachelle, to remind me that my struggles are not against flesh and blood but against the rulers in the dark places (Ephesians 6:12).
Somehow, it seems, that Satan is one step ahead of me. I don't know if this is true and I don't want to get into a debate of Satan's abilities or lack thereof. I'm just saying that to my limited understand of the world around me, Satan seems to know what is coming and seems to attack when the going is getting tough. This very fact was my "ahhh moment" (picture, if you will, the lightbulb brightly shining above my head). Unfortunately, I am not the brightest lightbulb in the bunch and it took a day or two even after Rachelle mentioned it for my lightbulb to click on. Even with the delay, I'm happy to report that the lightbulb did eventually come on and I think I finally got it.
The peace, joy and quiet that I was so desperately longing for comes in the surrender to a loving God who is in control of ALL things. The surrender for me didn't actually come until I could let go of my anger, disappointment and hurt from mere mortals like myself. When I finally realized that my battle isn't against them personally but against an enemy who seeks to devour and destroy (1 Peter 5:8) I was able to see these people, some dear friends, as hurting people needing forgiveness...just as I am a hurting sinner in need of forgiveness. When I willingly surrendered this to my Jehovah LORD, He was able to release me from my anger, bitterness, hurt and disappointment and flood my soul and heart with love, joy, peace and quiet.
Here's the clincher though... when I finally surrendered to the LORD, I wasn't surrendering this particular issue. Instead, I finally had to face and deal with my own insecurities. I truly doubt that I've dealt with ALL of my insecurities...seriously, I can't even begin to number all of them. And, after 40 years, I know this isn't the last time He and I will have this type of conversation... but, God brought me face to face with one of the roots of my insecurities last night. When I recognized that God created me in His image with His specific purpose for me, I had to let go and ask forgiveness for doubting His wisdom in creating me to look like I do and be like I am. Amazingly, when I let go of that, a ton of other stuff fell off too....ahhh, moment #2.
Like I said before, I don't understand how Satan and his cohorts work. I know that only God is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent, so I don't want any one to think that I am attributing any of those incredible characteristics to Satan. However, I have to wonder in the timing of this particular spiritual battle. Right before Christmas, I learned that Beth Moore was coming out with a new book titled "So Long, Insecurities". This book was due to be released February 2, 2010 and so I asked for it for Christmas. Sure enough, I took my gift card out on Tuesday morning to get my new book. Seriously, it surely seemed like the heat was turned up in my life just as I was about to read a book on insecurities.... hmmm.... ahh moment #3.... perhaps Satan turned the heat up to keep me too busy to read the book.
There is SO much more I have to deal with and live with in my life. If I sit here to long thinking about it, I'll probably sink right back into the pit that I've climbed out of. So, for now, for today, for this very moment I am going to bask in the quiet of my house and in the quietness of my soul. For, my Savior gave me victory in my spiritual battle and my enemy will not leave me alone here. He'll find me and he'll attack again and again...ahhh moment #4... enjoy these moments of victory!
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Thank you for your kind words!